House and I were at work and this conversation took place.

Me:"...Happiness? uhh, that's the good one right?"

House: "No it's the one that feels like bleeding on the inside."

Me: "...Oh...I feel happy."

Suppose that the concept/idea of religion is a naturally occurring brain function/mental process(chemical or otherwise). People that have "less Faith" have a less intense brain function/mental process.

*shrug*


I don't know, I was just wondering...

It is way too hot outside today... I guess that's what nearly winter implies in this state...
Anyways life things are good...I still have to go pick up Zelda Phantom hourglass it's been out for nearly a week and I don't have it yet, I feel ashamed...Maybe I'll go do that today.

Later.

Ahh, Sunday what a good day...payday is tomorrow, no work until Thursday...had some fun last night at the game... played some Halo 3 after, now I might go see a kitten :)

Later bitches, I'm off to have an adventure!

Feeling some better.
More work today, and tomorrow.
Time to go clean myself up.

I'd like to start off saying that I am "Emo" straight to the core as far as behavior goes. I'm not one of those girl pants wearing whiny kids. I try and keep everyone else out of my bullshit problems. But, I'm rather sick of faking it. So, I'm going to bitch about it on the internet for the following reason; I don't feel actively burdening people with my problems. I need to get it out. It's easier than finding someone to actually talk with.
Wow...I am not feeling well with my life right now...
I don't have a drive to do much besides get out out of bed for work, and even that is just so I have something...scratch that anything else on my mind. It seems the more I'm around people, the more I feel like I'm wasting their and my own time being around. I haven't been eating much, I've been drawing away from people, and sitting alone is what most of my time consists of, probably the worst part is that it's all fine with me.

I just want to work all the time, so that I could fool myself in to thinking that my life would be better if only I didn't work all the time.

Sleep...

Back to blogging for me!

Yeah, it's been a LONG time, but I'm back hopefully I'll keep up on it this time, my re-entry to the blagonet is spurred by the following blog entry The Shape of Days
It's a good way to keep in touch. I may not be daily posts, but expect something every few days or so, at least.
Feel free to comment!


-orby

Apparently "everyone" is going to be at the Blackstone this evening...dress up time! i hope i can find my eyeliner!

i havent blogged in about forever..just figure i should let people that happen to read this know that im still alive...uhh..i work because its the weekend...i dont know..life is confusing..i'll try...like always to start posting more...wish me luck.

-orby

We Hold These Truths to Be Self Evident

By: Sean Howard

Come Monday, we here in this great nation of the United States will be celebrating the birth of our fine country, and I cannot think of a better way to celebrate this occasion than by showing a display of our inaliable rights as free, independant citizens than to burn the American flag in triumph. We truly live in a great nation with a fundamental philosophy without equal - that our right to express ourselves, even in defiance of our governing body, is the most sacred of our basic human rights. The freedom to think without fear. To love without fear. To worship without fear. I say that we give our thanks to such a fundamental truth as this by burning our country's sacred idol, not in anger but in pride. Burn that mother fucker to ash and reflect on what a great country this is... while you still can.
A bill has recently passed in the House that is so vile and corrupt that I stand here ashamed. They have passed a constitutional amendment which states simply that "Congress shall have power to prohibit the physical desecration of the flag of the United States." It hasn't passed the Senate yet, but apparently, 65 senators have publicly supported the bill, which is but two warm bodies from a victory. It is appearing very much that this amendment will be passed without effort just after this July 4th holiday, so I say, smoke 'em while you got 'em.
Well, screw the first amendment. What about the fourteenth? The one that states "nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law". Well, screw that one too. In a 5-4 ruling, the Supreme Court just said that it's okay for the government to take away your land to give to corporations. If they decide that you house would look much better as a shopping mall, well, sucks to be you.
I've noticed recently that what I've been brought up to believe about the Constitution and how it is actually use are very different things. I've been lead to believe that these rules... this foundation... exists for one single purpose, and that is to protect the silent minority from the vocal majority. The First Amendment is there to say, if every God damned citizen of this entire country but you is a Christian, than you will be judged by an impartial belief that allows you to be treated as an equal. They can all think you are going to hell, and hate you for being different, but the government doesn't care. It won't prejudice against you.
We don't need to protect the majority. We need to protect the minority FROM the majority. Let's take an extreme example. Let's say that we go to war with another country. I know. Absurd, right? Let's say that an insignificant portion of our citizenry may have had parents from said country. There might be this immediate impulse of distrust - not because of who they are or what they've done, but because of a tenuous, yet obvious connection to our enemies. We might want to do something, like say, sieze their property, put them in jail without trial, burn down their place of worship, take away their ability to vote, or even prevent them from talking if they are going to say something "unamerican". But we don't do that. We can't do that. Because we've got this fancy Bill of Rights thing here which guarrantees each citizen basic rights.
This is because the majority tends to get a little too convinced of their own superiority. They think, hey, there's a lot of us. I mean, A LOT. Obviously, we wouldn't have this many people buying into our belief system if it wasn't right. So, if we're right and you disagree, that makes you wrong. I can't even begin to describe how silly this belief is - to belief in a "truth", not based on facts and debate, but in strength of numbers? Our Bill of Rights exists to prevent bullying from closing down discussion. No matter how much you don't want someone like me to talk about Evolution, the sad fact is, when there is no debate, we're all fucked.
I've noticed over the past few years that the silent minority has grown more silent. They've creeped away, always afraid of being sucker punched by bullies like Ann Coulter or Bill O'Reily. The debate shuts down because the mics get turned off, and decisions are no longer made by the person who makes the most intelligent insights, but by the person who commands the on/off switch. We've become a nation of bullies, hellbent on enforcing our majority's viewpoints upon, not only our country, but everyone else. Democracy? Ready or not, here it comes.
I get a lot of crap for writing these blogs - some of it I invite, while most of it, the ideas invite. You ARE an idiot if you don't think Evolution is true science. You ARE an asshole if you don't think gay people should have the right to marry (by the way, a shout out to Canada and Spain for doing the right thing). Abortion IS about the rights of the mother over the rights of a couple of dividing cells. Stem Cell research IS NOT evil. You do not need religion to be complete. Skepticism is the pathway towards the truth. Just because there are a lot of you, doesn't make you right. And burning the flag is the most patriotic thing anyone has ever done in this country.
I don't know about you guys, but I'll be out there Monday night, lighting fireworks and burning my American flag - because I love the ideals that this country stands for. The American flag is just a symbol. It doesn't mean anything unless you give it meaning, and what greater meaning can you give it than exercising your freedom to desecrate it. America is not holy. We do not worship our symbols. It might upset some people, but that's because they've given the symbol their own, fiercely personal meaning - one that I do not share or care to share. I may not be able to burn the flag come Tuesday, but come Monday, I'll be inhaling the smokey fumes of true freedom that few truly appreciate or understand.

my crazy weird dream...this is all i remember


i was at some kind of stadium, though im pretty sure i was just with 2 people i knew in a casino just before. anyway i was in the west parking lot of the huge stadium there were semi trucks all around and some guy..i told him that when ever you did it(what ever it was that i just did..which i dont remember what it was) that you ALWAYS end up in the west parking lot.to move faster i started walking on my hands...as if i was in a wheelbarrow race..but with no one helping me. he left because he had to go to the north end of the stadium.it was sunny at this time.as i was walking towards the west gate(for some reason i needed to go there)this part was more like bleachers and 2 girls were sitting up top leaning over the back looking down at me and there was another girl down here) one of the ones up top said something about giving me a womens purse that they had found(who knows why..one of them dream things that makes sence) and looking for the owner(it was snowy now) all of a sudden i KNEW that the 2 girls up top were bad people and their plan was to wait until i turned around so they could throw a rock at my head..i freaked out and ran off as they threw it..and the one that was on the ground picked a purse up off the ground.finally i got to the west gate it was really dark and rainy. i wasnt sure how to get back inside(im not sure but i assume i was trying to get back in to the casino) so i started running on my hands again counter clock wise around this MASSIVE place..it was beyond large..in dreams only kind of big..(thats saying a lot..ive seen many things) it was crazy dark. the only light was coming from the gates to get in..and in to the center of the stadium(which i think was open air..who knows) they were every couple hundred of feet...which they WERENT when i was out side..anyway.i reached the end(?..i know that doesnt make sense) and i was in a maze like bunch of rooms some of them somehow had windows that you could see out side(still terriblely dark and raining..now with thunder/lightning)as i was running around i was in a room and all of a sudden lighting stuck and i could see and there was someone else(female) in the room i freaked the hell out said something to them calmed down for about 5 seconds then woke up

damn it...its getting cold again...it started to warm up for a day or two to tease me...fuck you the cold i hate you..get out of here.Time to the sleep!

George W. Bush's 50 greatest accomplishments

1. I attacked and took over two countries.
2. I spent the US surplus and bankrupted the US treasury.
3. I shattered the record for the biggest annual deficit in history (not easy)
4. I set an economic record for the most personal bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.
5. I set all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
6. I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
7. I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
8. In my first year in office I set the all-time record for the most days on vacation by any president in US history (tough to beat my dad's, but I did).
9. After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history.
10. I set the record for most campaign raising trips by any president in US history.
11. In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.
12. I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any other president in US history.
13. I set the all-time record for most real estate foreclosures in a 12-month period.
14. I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any other president in US history.
15. I set the record for fewest press conferences of any president since the advent of TV.
16. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
17. I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any other US president in history.
18. I cut health-care benefits for war veterans.
19. I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any one person in the history of mankind.
20. I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
21. I've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.
22. Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US histiry (the poorest multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her).
23. I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the union simultaneously struggle against bankruptcy.
24. I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any market in any country in the history of the world.
25. I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the vast majority of the international community.
26. I have created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the US.
27. I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any other president in US history (Reagan was hard to beat, but I did it!!!)
28. I am the first president in US history to compel the United Nations to remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.
29. I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board.
30. I removed more checks and balances and have the least congressional oversight of any presidential administration in US history.
31. I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
32. I withdrew from the World Court Of Law.
33. I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
34. I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations elections inspectors access during the 2002 elections.
35. I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for the most corporate campaign donations.
36. The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of EnronCorporation)
37. I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.
38. I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1).
39. I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.
40. I took the world's sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
41. I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
42. I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
43. I set the all-time record for the number of administration appointees who violated US laws by not selling their huge investments in corporations that later made bids for gov. contracts.
44. I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
45. I have created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided that the US has been since the Civil War.
46. I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.
47. I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).
48. I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the military during time of war. I refused to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
49. All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records of any SEC investigation into my insider trading or bankrupted companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
50. All minutes of meetings of any public corporations for which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

gotta love 3 am frosted flakes! worked till 2.30...i throughly detest my job...good thing arson is so easy to get caught for otherwise bad thoughts might run through my head...i think its the time to sleep...

i dont know how well this is going to work because blog has been "acting up" lately..oh well ill give it a shot



You are the Moon card. Entering the Moon we enter
the intuitive and psychic realms. This is the
stuff dreams are made on. And like dreams the
imagery we find here may inspire us or torment
us. Understanding the moon requires looking
within. Our own bodily rhythms are echoed in
this luminary that circles the earth every
month and reflects the sun in its progress.
Listening to those rhythms may produce visions
and lead you towards insight. The Moon is a
force that has legends attached to it. It
carries with it both romance and insanity.
Moonlight reveals itself as an illusion and it
is only those willing to work with the force of
dreams that are able to withstand this
reflective light. Image from: Stevee Postman.
http://www.stevee.com/

Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by

i went and saw Les Miserables last night and I just loved it...now i need to find Rent playing some where... anyway today is friday and i might be going to a tsunami benefit concert tonight...im not sure if the bands are going to be worth my time...oh well 2 hours to figure it out...


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fulfilling the request of the two visitors to this site that i know of i shall try to post more often..im a binge poster..i think i need some blog classes..or a shrink...anyway on to more serious matters..or at least other matters

ive been remembering bits and peieces of my dreams lately...never enough to make sense but i know im having them
other than that there is just the fact that im really confused about uhh..just about everything going on in my life...i need to do something...people need to come back...i need to get things under control..or at least get a grasp on whats going on..that'd be just stellar...anyway im off to try and find something to do...probably end up doing nothing..later.

last night was best night of work ive had.

on the 24th i gont a nintendo DS...man it kicks ass...i love it to bits...which i hope that doesnt happen..everyone should get one...thanksgiving was alright...food is good...pumpkin pie :)

well i just enabled posting of comments..so if you visit here you should let me know...because i have no idea if anyone actually looks at this thing..

i had a really great night. :) donnie darko is a good movie...my sweat shirt smells really good i think im going to sleep with it to remind me.

I've been playing the sims2 a lot...quite fun...and sleeping...hopefully ill be driving tomorrow..that would be just splendid uhhh i work at 5 so i should really be asleep...bye

tonight was ok...i was supposed to hang out with someone...but that didnt work...oh well
wednesday i go for my drivers test..again...i have more faith in my self this time i know whats going on and what i need to do..so yeah i should be ok anyway im going to play the sims2 good bye

today is halloween...i guess i have to work today...fuck....im hungry and my head hurts...

oh good...one of my friends is moving to Ill. alas i hardly knew ye.

maybe by some freak chance she'll happen to remember here and fates will be smiling and she will return...

anyway..tomorrow is halloween...good i have an excuse to be so melancholy.

My life's been basically dull recently. Such is life. Maybe tomorrow.
Current Mood: :- blank

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him ...
(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)
A super callused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis.

5.38=20
5.40= frosted mini wheats
6.02=weird fingers(still reading lowbrow)
6.33= i need less urine
6.51=some one left the house
7.21= finishing my (art for deviant art)
7.30= browsing deviant art
8.24=umm... talking to random people
8.41=time to listen to tool! and talk to cale
9.03klockwurk orange

1) Legend is a good movie.
2) I like oat meal.
3) Tahitian Treat is much better than Ohana Punch.
4) Today is cold.
5) I am finished with my list.

whoaly shit...i learned somethings last night.... a shot of everclear and captain morgan together probably isnt a good idea...more importantly though i learned that the second third forth and fifth are even worse ideas....oh and dont ask some one to fight...if you are drunk enough to ask them to fight then you're probably drunk enough to lose....and passing out on the ground isnt that good of an idea either..you'll be left there for like 10 hours and you may puke and you'll be on your back and you might die like hendrix did...yeah thats all i remember learning...

wow...its been a while...uhhh i dont think much of intrest happened that you need to know about if you dont already....though im just saying that so i sound like i actually have a life..which im sure you all know i dont..anyway..i need to go find some food and maybe some chocolate milk!!

a poem i found on line



Dropping Out in Style
by Elijah
Rise up, you silenced students,
Left-wing teachers are taking our lives.
Our minds They twist and warp
Into drones that suit Their needs.
You sit there like a sponge,
Soaking in your pre-digested trash,
Not stopping once to seek the truth.

Rise up, you silenced students,
Stop taking in this flood of mindless crap.
Real learning is no more
Since you obey a lifeless bell.
When you choose to not conform,
They put you in a cell to rot awhile.
You dumb, blind sheep, how can you let this be?

Rise up, you silenced students,
Don't let Them get away with this.
Renounce this prison with its cold, hard walls.
Shoot your favorite teacher in the skull.
Do not spare the goons who bring you down.
Kill the warden—Hang the Dean!
Then torch this place for feeble minds.

Rise up, you silenced students,
Bring death to that which kills.

my poems

Pain inside
(Introduction to Arik)



Deep with in the recesses
Of my tainted mind
There is a being
he hides in the darkness
In the shadows
he sits and waits
waits till I cant take it any more
Till he can burst out
then it is him...it is me
I am the shade dweller
I died long ago
It has been him
For as long as we can remember
living within the night
Born of hatred
He is now free
you cant stand us
But you know him
He still hides
and he hides himself well
Hearing and seeing all that we do
noting who is worthy of speaking to us
letting them all pass
for now…
when he strikes you will feel the blow
you will feel the poison
Coursing through your weak veins
sink to the very depths
Of your heart and mind
slipping in to every crevice
Of your body it then starts to burn
it doesn’t burn your flesh
But your thoughts
The essence of you
you feel it rip
In to your bones
just then is when you realize
it hasnt even started
this is but the beginning
The worst is yet to come
because you know we arent leaving
I am here to stay and it WILL change
you WILL show me respect
You WILL practically be bowing at my feet
Begging to end it
but I will keep you here
Until I am finished
I give no regard to your feelings
just look in to my eyes...deeply
you will see him there
Now you can never look away
-Arik

Ending
(The second coming
Of Arik)


Every one has their own demons
Some believe in the spawn of Satan
For some it is in the form of drugs
Or the hate of your family
But they always seem to forget
That these “demons” are all swelling inside
Waiting to be released
They wish to control your every move
They are waiting for you to fail
So they may have control again
Your birth was their death
But The Darkness will rise once more
At the end
when you draw your last breath
Then will you realize that they have won
You will know you should not have given up
Now you must stay
We will take every thing
Love
They will give you boiling hate
Contact
You get a barren wasteland
Light
Receive the deepest black of space
Freedom
And I will laugh
-Arik

Awaiting Eternity
(Questioning)



What is the point of even trying?
You can never get any where
Everything you want is eventually taken away
Is it worth the pain?
The agony of your life ripped from your body?
Living out your whole life trying and hoping
Just to have it all end with no point
There is no Heaven, nor a Hell
Life is the only thing if you’re happy
Then that is your heaven
If not then you are stuck in a terrible fate
“There is nothing in this world worth believing in”
What is the point of prolonging life if you can’t stand what you’re living now
If something happened to you
To make every moment a test on will to live
Would YOU want to live like this?
What if you’re not the one for the one for you?
Is there a reason to keep going…
If there is no love for you?
If anytime you love they find some one else
It is useless to try and find happiness
There is nothing left in this world
Everything is dried up and starting to rot
Just end it now
You are not wanted here anyway
You feel it inside
The hate that is swelling up
Now or Later it will all end why go through the pain
If it is all for naught?
-Arik

ehh..hi...uhhh its 9.44 and i should be sleeping...not that its early and i shouldnt be up but i should have gone to bed...got hair cut....go see spiderman 2(its good)...um ok thats all time for me not to have a hurting head..

BLOG REDESIGN!! ill change it more later when i feel like looking at code and finding/making pictures

some one today asked me to tell them some stories....these are the stories


once there was this guy
and he saw a girl
and he didnt know her
so one night he waited out side her house for her to go out and he waited and she came out and he slammed her up against the side of the house and put some duct tape over her mouth and raped her he had a condom so he didnt get caught.
the end.

they needed another story

ummm once there was this guy
and he saw a penny on the street once
and he went to pick it up
but some kid came and picked it up first
that made him angry
so about a week later he found the kids house and he broke in and killed all the pets in the house and hung them from the celing in the kids room then he went back a week later and he killed all the kids family and took their bodies and set them up at the table so it looked like they were eating..he cooked a meal and everything and left it all sitting there and he waited in the pantry (it had a grated door so he could watch everything) and he waited for the kid to come down and he saw all his family dead at the table and he ran to the phone and tried to call the cops but the guy had cut the line already and he slowly opened the door and stepped out dressed in all white and said its time to go he walked out and shut the door..then he turned around ran back in and lifted the kid up by the throat and held him there and watched him die...then set him down at the empty spot and left
the end.

this still wasnt enough
the conversation following this story:
her: wow....that was intense...ill have nightmares
her: ANOTHER ONE PLZ!!!!!!!!!
me: lol
me: you're sick...
her: youre the one telling the stories
her: tell me a nice one about a puppy and a princess


ok once there was this princess
her mom was a fucking whore
that made the princess jelous because the queen was getting all of the dick
the spoiled brat bitch wanted a puppy
she got one
they played for a while
then it ran away
the princess cried..
but fret not!
it came back!
it was different though
it was soon enough found out what was wrong
it had gotten rabies
it bit everyone
they all went crazy and died
the end.

she kep begging for more..so i told her one more


once there was this girl
and she was asking this mentally unstable guy to tell her stories...
and she has no idea when he is coming back home(to near where she lives)...
and he started getting "strange" ideas...
her: "what kind of "ideas"???"
ideas like in his stories
and he might throw big chunks of ice through her windows..
now some migh ask..."why ice?"
and i simply respond "because you cant get finger prints off of water"
and if it hits a dog or something oh well...
he hopes he can hear the yelping down the street
her:i dont have a dog
THIS ISNT ABOUT YOU!
but he might also go under any cars or trucks in the drive way first
and cut a hole in the top of the fuel lines
"the top? but why?"
he will also pull the headlight wires out and place them in the cuts...so when the lights are turned on the fuel ignights and the tank blows up..hehe
oh yeah the car blows up killing everyone inside
the end.


another friend not really a story but still funny


him: it dosent make any sence...
me: lol she was there again?(this is about a girl going out with one of the employees at a local gaming store)
him: lol
him: yeah
him: good call
him: no ¢
me: lol
him: 00/100
me: yeah i know
him: what the hell does she see in justin(justin is quite short and really geeky)
me: nothing in him
me: but she sees everything over him...
him: lol
him: that was golden

I havent updated in a while but a lot has happened im living in Shakopee Minnesota now..thats 4 1/2-5 hours away ive been sick the whole time ive been here(a week now) and its been raining for 4-5 days...mostly havent been up to much besides being geeky..lol thats what i do...anyway my head hurts and you arnt supposed to take more than 6 in 24 hours..ive already taken 7 so i need to lay down or something...


i miss you all..a lot...®ß¥!!

I havent updated in a while but a lot has happened im living in Shakopee Minnesota now..thats 4 1/2-5 hours away ive been sick the whole time ive been here(a week now) and its been raining for 4-5 days...mostly havent been up to much besides being geeky..lol thats what i do...anyway my head hurts and you arnt supposed to take more than 6 in 24 hours..ive already taken 7 so i need to lay down or something...


i miss you all..a lot...®ß¥!!

WOW!...no one knows what im talking about...lol but WOW!

wow...after all of this..its over..just one more FUCKING day..thirteen years...im finished no more having to waste 8 hours everyday listening to a bunch of retards blather on and on about shit that is so pointless it hurts my brain just to hear it...there are some people that i am going to miss but most of the people i wont see again...and im fine with that..im going to miss a few teachers as well like Mr. Prochaska the best Chem teacher anyone could ask for, Mrs. Heidersheid a wonderful history teacher and one of the few teachers at WDP worth talking to
and of course the loveable J (some know her as Mrs Johnson)
and some people hate her but i love Kim Janssen probably one of the coolest secrtaries ill ever meet she rox0rZ!!! no joke yeah other than that i have a list of student people that ill miss but umm im lazy and im sure ill forget some people and that would make them feel bad so i wont but umm if i talk to you on a regular basis and im not an asshole to you assume yourself on the list ok byebye

wow...5 more days of school...im so fucking out of school already...for the first time ever i slept in chem...prohaska..the coolest teacher in the school..had him for 2 years and i just now slept...i cant wait..not like i do anything anyway...this place is bullshit...yeah i need to go sleep some more now...good night

umm 9-7 more days of school...im not sure..i think the last day is the 28th but im not sure of the date today right at this moment...its late and no one is awake...not that people talk to me anyway...ok bye

went to LBC concert yesterday..missed my class trip to 6 flags..umm thats about it i guess...its kind of shit lately..

time for an update...umm its tuesday...nothing of interest happens to me...just getting ready for bed listening to orgy...yeah im getting geekier....umm i dont know if "geekier" is a word but i am one so i can use it...

geeked today...kind of...yeah nothing really..ok night time now...

today is monday....school was same as always...boring though in one of my study halls we finished watching pay it forward...not a bad flick yeah thats about it...

ive been busy...though i dont know with what..time has just been going by...i dont know where...

yeah i havnt been sleeping much lately...and if i do get sleep its not very good...oh well nothing i can really do about that...maybe go get some melatonin...meh...ok its late and im really tired im leaving now.............





--®ß¥!!

im 18 now...wow an adult...nothings different...except now i can buy lotto tickets...


things are werid....i dont know whats going on....

new post!



www.rabid-monkeys.com onlne comic read it if you're geeky...have fun..

i try
i try to make things right
i dont know what i did
i never do
but always,
ALWAYS
i do something wrong
i cant be sorry
nothing i say means anything
not talking makes things worse
not that i would say anything meaningful
because i am an emotionless monster
i try
i try to be a friend
but i cant ever do anything
nothing right anyway
so i sit alone
cold on a bridge
i watch the snow
and my tears fall
on the frozen cement
and you keep walking
i cant follow you
you dont want me to
nothing i do matters anymore
i try
i try but nothing helps
im so confused
i dont know
dont know what you want anymore
i couldnt give it to you if i did
not anymore
i guess im gone
gone to you...
even though im right here
right next to you
but even though im here
you miss me
but when i look
i dont think i left
you just kept walking
i tried
i tried so hard

i should be sleeping right now...lol

I FOUND IT!!! its called "The Ear, The Eye, and the Arm " YAY!

oh yeah and in other news www.mallmonkeys.com one of my online comics that i read has died*tear*

ahhhh all of a sudden today a book that i read in about 4th grade(8 years ago) popped in to my head and i want to find it again...

it was about 3 detectives i think the book was called something like "the eye the ear and the nose" or maybe it was "the eye the ear and the mouth" i cant remember they each had above average "powers" in what ever they were named after

the book was probably middle school reading level and kind of long for a book for children maybe 300 pages the cover of the one i had had the upper half be the title with a city/alley as a background and some glowing green(i think) thing with the three of them standing around it. oh well if you know who it was by or anything email me at
Theorby@drugsmakemecool.com ok thanks bye bye

--®ß¥!!

damn i havent posted in a long time...oh well maybe ill work on that...or something...

"But even if you do get caught, I'll tell you...Community service is maybe forty or a hundred hours. What's the alternative? Going out to work every day for the rest of your life? I mean, what kind of sentence is that?"-Lily from the book "Smack" by Melvin Burgess about stealing food and the consequences. good book...




®ß¥!!

"It turns out we were all wrong"-Sen. David Kay commenting on the fact that there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq....i dont really think saying we were wrong is a fair thing to do...we bombed and invaded a nation because we THOUGHT that there were weapons there...good thing America isnt guilty of anything because then they would have to take responsibilty for their actions..insted they'll just say "just cause" and it will all go away.....


FUCK YOU AMERICA!

ummm time to update.
study hall is a mother fucker.
Nazis run this place.
im really bored and i have nothing to do for the next two hours.
oh well.
Magic tourny tonight.
snowball tomorrow.
sunday=no idea.
yeah bye now people are starting to come in here and might asks me whats up and ill have to cry and lie to them and maybe close this without saving so ill end now.
bye.

-®ß¥!!

havnet updated in a while....


umm christmas...
got some stuff
school sucks
yay for fire
yay for mirrodin
yay for purity
yay for fucking assholes that make life horrible
oh wait no fuck them
yay for reasons to live
yay for forks (and some times spoons)
yay for jamboxes
yay for Senior Drill Instructor Gunnery Sgt. Hartman
yay for BIO-MECHANICAL NUT SACKS!

and always remember
they dont sleep anymore on the beach




-®ß¥!!

ummm...today.



"Falling from heaven is not as painful as surviving the impact."

go to link...sign up then ignore it if you want...but please sign up.... http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=mommy+dearest because im a loser and have nothing better to do with my life....

there i updated......im a boring person what can i say....oh yeah and school, FUCK YOU its christmas break leave the the fuck alone because i dont care

Words from some one that is much better than i am...


never forget the words i say the day befor ei shall die, for i have shown love to the unlovable I have given mysefl to him.. i have shown him all that i can .. my entire heart, everything.. my being, my importance..him He was my life.. i showed him how much i cared. i showed him a new world completely different from his. i showed him that he is special and that he is important and that he means everything to me.. and he has shown me how much he does not care how heartless he is.. adn how much he does not want to be happy. he wants to be the unlovable one... he doesnt want peopel to care. he doesnt want me to love him. he doesnt want anyone to love him.. but sit there in his own self pitty and be nothing but the heartless boy that he is...

Crying myself to sleep..

school....blah...this sucks....oh well its my fault....

because you know that at some time they will not be with you and you dont know if you can handle being alone

i have everything to say and no way to say it..........

yeah...things have been great...i dont even know how to put it in to words but things are good....though the internet is boring and more people should talk to me[A1M:theorby]

ummmm im at school

yeah anyway on to a more serious post

a lot has occured in the past few days...at some points i have been blissful, sometimes lonley, ive bled, and ive cried, hung with some of my best friends, and sat alone in my basement....over all though things are great

because i found it...and im really bored....and its almost useful....and ummm skip past this and read the beautiful thing just below it but yeah the first ten thousand digits of Pi
3.
1415926535 8979323846 2643383279 5028841971 6939937510 5820974944 5923078164 0628620899 8628034825 3421170679 8214808651 3282306647 0938446095 5058223172 5359408128 4811174502 8410270193 8521105559 6446229489 5493038196 4428810975 6659334461 2847564823 3786783165 2712019091 4564856692 3460348610 4543266482 1339360726 0249141273 7245870066 0631558817 4881520920 9628292540 9171536436 7892590360 0113305305 4882046652 1384146951 9415116094 3305727036 5759591953 0921861173 8193261179 3105118548 0744623799 6274956735 1885752724 8912279381 8301194912 9833673362 4406566430 8602139494 6395224737 1907021798 6094370277 0539217176 2931767523 8467481846 7669405132 0005681271 4526356082 7785771342 7577896091 7363717872 1468440901 2249534301 4654958537 1050792279 6892589235 4201995611 2129021960 8640344181 5981362977 4771309960 5187072113 4999999837 2978049951 0597317328 1609631859 5024459455 3469083026 4252230825 3344685035 2619311881 7101000313 7838752886 5875332083 8142061717 7669147303 5982534904 2875546873 1159562863 8823537875 9375195778 1857780532 1712268066 1300192787 6611195909 2164201989 3809525720 1065485863 2788659361 5338182796 8230301952 0353018529 6899577362 2599413891 2497217752 8347913151 5574857242 4541506959 5082953311 6861727855 8890750983 8175463746 4939319255 0604009277 0167113900 9848824012 8583616035 6370766010 4710181942 9555961989 4676783744 9448255379 7747268471 0404753464 6208046684 2590694912 9331367702 8989152104 7521620569 6602405803 8150193511 2533824300 3558764024 7496473263 9141992726 0426992279 6782354781 6360093417 2164121992 4586315030 2861829745 5570674983 8505494588 5869269956 9092721079 7509302955 3211653449 8720275596 0236480665 4991198818 3479775356 6369807426 5425278625 5181841757 4672890977 7727938000 8164706001 6145249192 1732172147 7235014144 1973568548 1613611573 5255213347 5741849468 4385233239 0739414333 4547762416 8625189835 6948556209 9219222184 2725502542 5688767179 0494601653 4668049886 2723279178 6085784383 8279679766 8145410095 3883786360 9506800642 2512520511 7392984896 0841284886 2694560424 1965285022 2106611863 0674427862 2039194945 0471237137 8696095636 4371917287 4677646575 7396241389 0865832645 9958133904 7802759009 9465764078 9512694683 9835259570 9825822620 5224894077 2671947826 8482601476 9909026401 3639443745 5305068203 4962524517 4939965143 1429809190 6592509372 2169646151 5709858387 4105978859 5977297549 8930161753 9284681382 6868386894 2774155991 8559252459 5395943104 9972524680 8459872736 4469584865 3836736222 6260991246 0805124388 4390451244 1365497627 8079771569 1435997700 1296160894 4169486855 5848406353 4220722258 2848864815 8456028506 0168427394 5226746767 8895252138 5225499546 6672782398 6456596116 3548862305 7745649803 5593634568 1743241125 1507606947 9451096596 0940252288 7971089314 5669136867 2287489405 6010150330 8617928680 9208747609 1782493858 9009714909 6759852613 6554978189 3129784821 6829989487 2265880485 7564014270 4775551323 7964145152 3746234364 5428584447 9526586782 1051141354 7357395231 1342716610 2135969536 2314429524 8493718711 0145765403 5902799344 0374200731 0578539062 1983874478 0847848968 3321445713 8687519435 0643021845 3191048481 0053706146 8067491927 8191197939 9520614196 6342875444 0643745123 7181921799 9839101591 9561814675 1426912397 4894090718 6494231961
5679452080 9514655022 5231603881 9301420937 6213785595 6638937787 0830390697 9207734672 2182562599 6615014215 0306803844 7734549202 6054146659 2520149744 2850732518 6660021324 3408819071 0486331734 6496514539 0579626856 1005508106 6587969981 6357473638 4052571459 1028970641 4011097120 6280439039 7595156771 5770042033 7869936007 2305587631 7635942187 3125147120 5329281918 2618612586 7321579198 4148488291 6447060957 5270695722 0917567116 7229109816 9091528017 3506712748 5832228718 3520935396 5725121083 5791513698 8209144421 0067510334 6711031412 6711136990 8658516398 3150197016 5151168517 1437657618 3515565088 4909989859 9823873455 2833163550 7647918535 8932261854 8963213293 3089857064 2046752590 7091548141 6549859461 6371802709 8199430992 4488957571 2828905923 2332609729 9712084433 5732654893 8239119325 9746366730 5836041428 1388303203 8249037589 8524374417 0291327656 1809377344 4030707469 2112019130 2033038019 7621101100 4492932151 6084244485 9637669838 9522868478 3123552658 2131449576 8572624334 4189303968 6426243410 7732269780 2807318915 4411010446 8232527162 0105265227 2111660396 6655730925 4711055785 3763466820 6531098965 2691862056 4769312570 5863566201 8558100729 3606598764 8611791045 3348850346 1136576867 5324944166 8039626579 7877185560 8455296541 2665408530 6143444318 5867697514 5661406800 7002378776 5913440171 2749470420 5622305389 9456131407 1127000407 8547332699 3908145466 4645880797 2708266830 6343285878 5698305235 8089330657 5740679545 7163775254 2021149557 6158140025 0126228594 1302164715 5097925923 0990796547 3761255176 5675135751 7829666454 7791745011 2996148903 0463994713 2962107340 4375189573 5961458901 9389713111 7904297828 5647503203 1986915140 2870808599 0480109412 1472213179 4764777262 2414254854 5403321571 8530614228 8137585043 0633217518 2979866223 7172159160 7716692547 4873898665 4949450114 6540628433 6639379003 9769265672 1463853067 3609657120 9180763832 7166416274 8888007869 2560290228 4721040317 2118608204 1900042296 6171196377 9213375751 1495950156 6049631862 9472654736 4252308177 0367515906 7350235072 8354056704 0386743513 6222247715 8915049530 9844489333 0963408780 7693259939 7805419341 4473774418 4263129860 8099888687 4132604721 5695162396 5864573021 6315981931 9516735381 2974167729 4786724229 2465436680 0980676928 2382806899 6400482435 4037014163 1496589794 0924323789 6907069779 4223625082 2168895738 3798623001 5937764716 5122893578 6015881617 5578297352 3344604281 5126272037 3431465319 7777416031 9906655418 7639792933 4419521541 3418994854 4473456738 3162499341 9131814809 2777710386 3877343177 2075456545 3220777092 1201905166 0962804909 2636019759 8828161332 3166636528 6193266863 3606273567 6303544776 2803504507 7723554710 5859548702 7908143562 4014517180 6246436267 9456127531 8134078330 3362542327 8394497538 2437205835 3114771199 2606381334 6776879695 9703098339 1307710987 0408591337 4641442822 7726346594 7047458784 7787201927 7152807317 6790770715 7213444730 6057007334 9243693113 8350493163 1284042512 1925651798 0694113528 0131470130 4781643788 5185290928 5452011658 3934196562 1349143415 9562586586 5570552690 4965209858 0338507224 2648293972 8584783163 0577775606 8887644624 8246857926 0395352773 4803048029 0058760758 2510474709 1643961362 6760449256 2742042083 2085661190 6254543372 1315359584 5068772460
2901618766 7952406163 4252257719 5429162991 9306455377 9914037340 4328752628 8896399587 9475729174 6426357455 2540790914 5135711136 9410911939 3251910760 2082520261 8798531887 7058429725 9167781314 9699009019 2116971737 2784768472 6860849003 3770242429 1651300500 5168323364 3503895170 2989392233 4517220138 1280696501 1784408745 1960121228 5993716231 3017114448 4640903890 6449544400 6198690754 8516026327 5052983491 8740786680 8818338510 2283345085 0486082503 9302133219 7155184306 3545500766 8282949304 1377655279 3975175461 3953984683 3936383047 4611996653 8581538420 5685338621 8672523340 2830871123 2827892125 0771262946 3229563989 8989358211 6745627010 2183564622 0134967151 8819097303 8119800497 3407239610 3685406643 1939509790 1906996395 5245300545 0580685501 9567302292 1913933918 5680344903 9820595510 0226353536 1920419947 4553859381 0234395544 9597783779 0237421617 2711172364 3435439478 2218185286 2408514006 6604433258 8856986705 4315470696 5747458550 3323233421 0730154594 0516553790 6866273337 9958511562 5784322988 2737231989 8757141595 7811196358 3300594087 3068121602 8764962867 4460477464 9159950549 7374256269 0104903778 1986835938 1465741268 0492564879 8556145372 3478673303 9046883834 3634655379 4986419270 5638729317 4872332083 7601123029 9113679386 2708943879 9362016295 1541337142 4892830722 0126901475 4668476535 7616477379 4675200490 7571555278 1965362132 3926406160 1363581559 0742202020 3187277605 2772190055 6148425551 8792530343 5139844253 2234157623 3610642506 3904975008 6562710953 5919465897 5141310348 2276930624 7435363256 9160781547 8181152843 6679570611 0861533150 4452127473 9245449454 2368288606 1340841486 3776700961 2071512491 4043027253 8607648236 3414334623 5189757664 5216413767 9690314950 1910857598 4423919862 9164219399 4907236234 6468441173 9403265918 4044378051 3338945257 4239950829 6591228508 5558215725 0310712570 1266830240 2929525220 1187267675 6220415420 5161841634 8475651699 9811614101 0029960783 8690929160 3028840026 9104140792 8862150784 2451670908 7000699282 1206604183 7180653556 7252532567 5328612910 4248776182 5829765157 9598470356 2226293486 0034158722 9805349896 5022629174 8788202734 2092222453 3985626476 6914905562 8425039127 5771028402 7998066365 8254889264 8802545661 0172967026 6407655904 2909945681 5065265305 3718294127 0336931378 5178609040 7086671149 6558343434 7693385781 7113864558 7367812301 4587687126 6034891390 9562009939 3610310291 6161528813 8437909904 2317473363 9480457593 1493140529 7634757481 1935670911 0137751721 0080315590 2485309066 9203767192 2033229094 3346768514 2214477379 3937517034 4366199104 0337511173 5471918550 4644902636 5512816228 8244625759 1633303910 7225383742 1821408835 0865739177 1509682887 4782656995 9957449066 1758344137 5223970968 3408005355 9849175417 3818839994 4697486762 6551658276 5848358845 3142775687 9002909517 0283529716 3445621296 4043523117 6006651012 4120065975 5851276178 5838292041 9748442360 8007193045 7618932349 2292796501 9875187212 7267507981 2554709589 0455635792 1221033346 6974992356 3025494780 2490114195 2123828153 0911407907 3860251522 7429958180 7247162591 6685451333 1239480494 7079119153 2673430282 4418604142 6363954800 0448002670 4962482017 9289647669 7583183271 3142517029 6923488962 7668440323 2609275249 6035799646 9256504936 8183609003 2380929345
9588970695 3653494060 3402166544 3755890045 6328822505 4525564056 4482465151 8754711962 1844396582 5337543885 6909411303 1509526179 3780029741 2076651479 3942590298 9695946995 5657612186 5619673378 6236256125 2163208628 6922210327 4889218654 3648022967 8070576561 5144632046 9279068212 0738837781 4233562823 6089632080 6822246801 2248261177 1858963814 0918390367 3672220888 3215137556 0037279839 4004152970 0287830766 7094447456 0134556417 2543709069 7939612257 1429894671 5435784687 8861444581 2314593571 9849225284 7160504922 1242470141 2147805734 5510500801 9086996033 0276347870 8108175450 1193071412 2339086639 3833952942 5786905076 4310063835 1983438934 1596131854 3475464955 6978103829 3097164651 4384070070 7360411237 3599843452 2516105070 2705623526 6012764848 3084076118 3013052793 2054274628 6540360367 4532865105 7065874882 2569815793 6789766974 2205750596 8344086973 5020141020 6723585020 0724522563 2651341055 9240190274 2162484391 4035998953 5394590944 0704691209 1409387001 2645600162 3742880210 9276457931 0657922955 2498872758 4610126483 6999892256 9596881592 0560010165 5256375678

a nervous laugh is how we try to cover our uneasiness. Both of us are nervous. whats going to happen? How's it going to feel?
so eager- But scared. when I finally feel it in me fully, deep, my entire body shivers.Every nerve ending in my body glad to take you in.
i turn my head in to your neck and gasp in pain and pleasure. the pain is sharp but the pleasure is deep and throbbing pushing away all hurt. i tilt my head up to you as you thrust again. i can see in to your eyes perfect - and for a second you are almost God-like. Youlook back to me, holding my gaze. i feel your eyes searching me, almost as deep as your thrusts. I love it. Not just the physical happiness but the warm feeling surging through my body, through my mind...
Meaningful sex. Has it really been so long?
Simply staring into your eyes and feeling you inside me suddenly seem like all i need to live... I could die happy.
Another deep thrust brings me back to reality. I am with you, Physically we are connected - and mentally as well. As sweet as you kisses - your love is better. Every thrust brings pleasure and a smile to my face. thoughts fill my head, about you and me. i want you. i am so glad that i have given myself to you - in the most personal way possible - and I am over joyed that you gave yourself to me .
I am so glad you made yourself vulnerable for me. I am so glad that you showed me that you care - the way that you did.
I am so glad to be with you.


yeah that one awesome girl wrote this for me.

FUck god damn i dont even know whats going on with me anymore i need some time to sit and think because i know what i want but i have no idea what to do or how to make every one happy

God i hate that fucker......fuck....damn people......i wish i had laser eyes so i could purge the earth of the viruses that inhabit it



a few are great and i would do anything and would give up the world just to see them happy........there need to be more people like that

this is an early version of part of dogma...trying to find the one they used



LOKI

The Apostle is here!



BARTLEBY

I noticed.



LOKI

If that's the case, the chick with him must be...



BARTLEBY

The Scion, I'd imagine.

(leans against the wall; slides down)



LOKI

(in a panic)

Well, shit man! Maybe we should rethink this whole

thing! I mean, you heard the guy - he said there

were consequences. Azrael tells us we're marked.

Maybe there's more to this than we thought about.



Bartleby leans against the wall, sitting on the ground. His demeanor has changed. He stares into space.



BARTLEBY

There sure is.

(beat)

It's them.



LOKI

(beat)

What?



BARTLEBY

(shakes his head)

Them.



LOKI

(thinks)

The movie about the giant ants?



BARTLEBY

Them - the humans. It's what it all comes down to,

you know? Us against humanity... kind of like that

giant ant movie.



LOKI

(beat)

Are you alright?



BARTLEBY

I'm better than alright. I've had an epiphany, my

friend.



LOKI

An... epiphany. Yes, well... that'll happen.



BARTLEBY

When that sweet, innocent girl let her mission

slip, I suddenly understood it all - everything.

For the first time in all these eons, I get it.



LOKI

(beat)

Get what?



BARTLEBY

In the beginning, it was just us and Him. Angels

and God. And then He created the humans. And He

gave them more than He ever gave us. Ours was

designed to be a life of servitude and worship -

adoration. But He gave the humans more - He gave

them a choice. They can choose to ignore God,

choose to acknowledge Him. All this time we've

been down here, everyday I felt the absence of the

Divine presence. And it pained me... as I'm sure

it must have pained you sometimes, even though

you'd gloss over it with jokes. But we feel his

absence, and why? Because of the way He made us -

as servants. Had we been given free will, we could

ignore the pain... like them.



LOKI

You know - maybe you should take a nap or

something.



BARTLEBY

Loki, don't you get it? It's the humans - it's

always the humans. They were given paradise; they

threw it away. They were given this planet; they

destroyed it. They were favored best among all His

endeavors; and some of them don't even believe He

exists. Their ego-mania corroded Hell and made it

dark and crimson.

(looks at Loki)

I asked you to lay down your sword years ago -

why? Because I felt sorry for them. And where did

it get us? Thrown out.

(smiles)

We've paid our debt. Don't you think it's time we

went home? And to d o that, I think we have to

dispatch our would-be dispatchers.



LOKI

Wait, wait, wait - kill them?! You're talking

about the Last Scion, for Christ's sake! And what

about Jay and Bob - I mean, those guys were

alright.



BARTLEBY

Don't, my friend. Don't let your sympathies get

the best of you, as they did me way back when.

Scion or not, she's just a human. And regardless,

our sins are forgiven by passing through that

arch. No harm, no foul.



LOKI

That sounds thin.



BARTLEBY

Fine. We'll cover ourselves. We'll take out a slew

of people. Maybe amidst the body count, He won't

notice.



LOKI

Oh, that's being realistic.



Bartleby reaches out and grabs Loki, slamming him against the wall.



BARTLEBY

I'm going home, Loki. And nobody - not even the

Almighty Himself - is going to make that

otherwise.



Bartleby releases Loki and smiles. He exits. Loki watches him.



LOKI

Shit.



He follows.

on Sunday the ninteenth of October i posted the following message(i know you could just scroll down and look but im a nice guy and ill save you some time)

"ummm why am i alone i look around at all these people that i am suprised can dress them selves in the morning and they have some one to be with and talk to and just hold......am i really that bad of a person?"

today i got a response that is just so amazing i can hardly belive it....and here it is

" hey doll... i saw this the first time i talked to you online.. that was a bit ago... and i think about it every time we hold hands, kiss... talk... and cuddle.. every time i am close to you i am happy.. you make me very happy.. and i hope you are happy when you are with me..... i told you the first time we were laying on your couch "you're not a bad person" but you didn't get it... i hope i have taken away your feeling of rejection"

i dont even know what to say for now ill post more later maybe soon.

home sick from school today i think i may have gotten strep from my friend lyandagwas oh well i am missing my chorus concert though which isnt that cool maybe ill at least go to it.....but i can hardly even talk

friday otc 24....KMFDM

we(me muukie and lyandagwas) arived at about 730 went in put together all of our money...(even our gas money) to get in...yeah didnt think that two drink minimum tickets that the drinks would cost $9s each so after we all got in we stood around for a few minutes and then this band that i didnt really enjoy came on called bile they were death metal....*bleech* and old and not hot.....and the bassist took his shirt of....he shouldnt have....his stomach was over his belt.......yeah then KMFDM came on....my god it was awesome over the course of about 3 songs i had worked my way to very near the front just a few rows of people back this made me very happy then after one or two more songs i got my self right next to the fence......Flesh, A drug against war, Godlike, D.I.Y., Light, Blackball, Attak/reload, Ultra, WWIII, Bullets bombs and bigotry, Juke Joint Jezebel, Intro,From here on out, Stars and Stripes, Rules were all awesome among the rest of the songs...i was in too much of a daze to remember them all...then after it all Lucia came down and she actually touched my hand like not just a walk by and touch be she grasped every one that was there seperatly....ohhhh...she is a goddess.....then the going home..was in reletive silence no music just us talking every once and while....also we learned that in my moms vehicle you can make it back from millwalkee on less than 1/4 tank......not something i wanted to learn but hey if i had to sleep in a damn gutter after that i wouldnt have cared Lyandagwas didnt have that great of a time its not really his kind of music but i love him for taking us and basicly paying for us to get in....i owe him bad.....muukie and i had a super ultra great time though i will see them again and i will get signatures(at least Lucia's and Raymond's) guards there are jerkasses....i want them all to light on fire! ummm ok thats all i think for now....

sleeping or something..........yeah...right....my throat burns....

ummm yeah i havnt updated because we are moving to some other place when that place gets the internet(maybe sooner ill up date this)....umm yeah im supposed to be helping right now


fuck that...

KMFDM!!!!!!!!
TOMORROW!!!!!!!
AT 8PM!!!!!!!!!!!!
@THE RAVE!!!!!
IN MILWALKEE!!!!!
LUCIA!!!!!!!


ok umm thats enough for today ill tell all about the undiscrible awesomeness this weekend sometime......

deep down im sure i like this feeling of rejection that i always have....

ummm why am i alone i look around at all these people that i am suprised can dress them selves in the morning and they have some one to be with and talk to and just hold......am i really that bad of a person?

bored...like i have been for weeks now....no one talks to me out side of school except jeremy........thanks "friends"..........

"A television screen is streaked with blood that smeared from your knuckles
as you were trying to punch it out, but you underestimated its strength.
Or maybe you just weren't trying hard enough."



ill post more later

homecoming dance was last night...it wasnt as bad as i thought it was going to be but thats not saying much perhaps if anyone cared enough to go with me it would have been better but its my fault so oh well..............*dies*

is that guy fucking dead yet?

today is sunday.

went to bayport homcoming game saw people spent most of night wrapped in a Barney blanket twas cold
west de pere lost....no suprise i guess it was more fun than sitting at my house alone all night....

i=need job 23 days to KMFDM and i have like no money.

words are such a terrible way to communicate a word is just that some relitively meaningless sound that most people can understand they have no body or form or emotion even words that describe emotion are empty you may imply things about them but thats personal the words if you think about them from a dictionary are hollow they can dever discribe something that a person has not experienced they cant tell some on how you feel unless they know exactly what you are feeling and to have that kind of bond with some one is beyond words.

i broke my puter muukie saved it.
oh yeah and umm good luck muukie
and if you are cool you should talk to me (AIM: Theorby)


-®ß¥!!

ummm nothing happened at all.


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i went in to a hot topic today........
one redeeming factor is that they have jack skellington (nightmare before chrismas) stuff and a few shirts that are worth looking at....
oh yeah and on one of the posters it had AFI but one of them was wearing a VNV Nation shirt!!
to bad its all over priced and comericalized but i mean hey if your not actually trying to be "different"(through expressions of your garments) then sure shop there but if you shop there to be "goth" or "punk" then i feel bad for how disillousioned and lazy you are because if you are typical you "hate" the "conformists" that shop at A&E and abercrombie etc. ITS THE SAME FUCKING KIND OF STORE THEY JUST WANT TO MAKE MONEY SELLING OVER PRICED CLOTHES....yeah ok bye now



-®ß¥!!

i have changed my mind nothing on here will be deleted or corrected because of changes in how i feel about things(corrections will still be made if i notice something wrong) so i changed big deal i cant just forget about what i lived just because it might not have been the best choice or because i think it isnt....nothing really changes anyway.....in the end we all end up dead so oh well


-®ß¥!!

me on guys:

most dont understand the feeling you have when you lay next to some one all night feeling them breathe against you then waking up not remembering falling alseep because it was like a dream to begin with...

or the feeling of being sad when you are with the one that makes you the happiest you have ever been because you know that at some time they will not be with you and you dont know if you can handle being alone

and for some reason the ones that do know never get to feel those feelings....



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found this just today.
i like it


If You’re Happy and you Know It, Bomb Iraq
By John Robbins

If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq!
If the market is a drama, bomb Iraq!
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is lookin’ shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq!

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq!
If we think that someone’s dissed us, bomb Iraq!
So to hell with the inspections,
Let’s look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq!

It’s pre-emptive non-aggression, bomb Iraq!
To prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq!
They’ve got weapons we can’t see,
And that’s all the proof we need,
If they’re not there, they must be,
Bomb Iraq!

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq!
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq!
If you think Saddam’s gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
And he tried to kill your dad,
Bomb Iraq!

If corporate fraud is growin’, bomb Iraq!
And your ties to it are showin’, bomb Iraq!
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain’t easy,
And your manhood’s gettin’ queasy,
Bomb Iraq!

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq!
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq!
Disagree? We’ll call it treason,
Let’s make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq!


-®ß¥!!

today=9
school started a while ago
umm i sleep
its sad that i get better grades on tests than other people...oh well not my problem
things are weird.
classes=lame
gym isnt that bad i guess
2nd hour=lame
3=sleep
4=alex
5=sleep
6=sing
7=cool(adv. chem. with one of the best teachers i have known)

ummm yeah then i come home and sit alone pestering people online untill they leave(or block me etc.) then i get bored and sleep
oh yeah andqueen of wands....not porn just another online comic




-®ß¥!!

fucking sniff

http://www.empty-handed.com/archive/2003_08_22.html

quizzila is lame people that send me there to take the stupid little quizes should have thier spleens removed with a rust covered wombat....



yeah ummmmmm mall monkeys online comic good etc.


FISHY the best game ever its like coke+herion+nicoteen+caffieen
one of these days ill learn how to spell







-®ß¥!!
oh yeah and talk to me because i suck (aim)Theorby

wow lots has changed
my friend brandon came here for a while hes still here as of now
ive got me a girlfriend and now im starting to know how happiness feels not just her but just every thing nothings "working out" or anything speical things are just different oh yeah and those LAW things....i think i care about them now i mean mostly its just trouble not following them not that i get caught but its gotta happen sometime right? why press my luck(which never has been good) i win ive had the "rebel" time of my life now i need to calm down and look at whats going on...im getting old and by old i mean im almost 18 just nine more months then i dont even FUCKING KNOW WHAT but things work out...dont they? i mean there is always welfare and living in a car at least it will be interesting
umm i guess this is just a quick post..ill start posting more often now that i have nothing to do..oh wait i never do but yeah oh well im bored
what are blogs for is it a journal or what....oh well thats what im doing.....ok i grow tired of this internet thing i think i go now








-®ß¥!!
talk at me if you feel like it (AIM) theorby


You represent... loneliness.
Always alone and always sad about it... unlike
angst, you don't have to look for a reason to
be miserable. You want to be in the company of
people but aren't sure how to act when you're
with them. Sometimes you have to make an
effort. You can't always wait for others to
come to you.

umm..i like drugs...i mean a lot if i could afford it i think i would be on drugs all the time but i have come to find out there there are plenty of "legal"(im pretty sure "Abusing" them and taking the doses need to get messed up is illegal but yeah) ways to leave this boring lie that most call reality...
which is a great thing...
try drugs...
they are good for you..perhaps(and probably) not physically but drugs controled can be a the best thing that can happen to a mind/person. people are not physical beings. we are completly of the mind, just resting in this place as we grow and become ready to accept the true state that beings can exist in. it doesnt take an entire lifetime just to learn how you will spend being, it just takes help. some people spend years sitting in a cave on a mountian, some just live ignorant to the potential to reach this higher state of being others use drugs..im not talking about the junkies or pot heads or any of those people, those people are the ones that keep most drugs illegal. it is the people that use drugs not to just catch a buzz, or because your friends do it but the ones that use them to reach this other place. to relize that there is more than just a physical world. it is in these non-physical places that one learns,learns not how they feel or even who they are as a person, because these things dont matter they are just small things that humans have desided to give meaning to. you learn who and what you are as a being and this is a great feeling. just to have an inkling of what there is and could be and begining to understand why we as beings even take this step onward to the greatness...my brain stopped perhaps i will have enlightened some one or at least got some one thinking and i hope to add more and bring this closer to a finish




-®ß¥!!

IM me TheORBY (AIM)

went camping..............had no fun..................................
tried to get ladies over to my house...............failed miserably.......
The House is here........sleeping on my floor cause its über-boring here............
cant sleep.........ummmmm........listening to orgy...........thinking of changing it....



also funny
funny





i guess thats all for now IM me..........theorby..........or email me........theorby@drugsmakemecool.com

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Yeah, we're pretty stupid and can't really figue out how to give ORBY!! access to the blog under his own name. i think i know how, but it'll take 5 mins, so I don't really want to. He can't spell coming either. Um... no one comes here as far as I know so far, so I don't really care what goes on here. If you end up reading this, make fun of us by emailing theorby@drugsmakemecool.com

-Muukie

hey Godspeed You Black Emperor is just a good idea so uhh listen to it or stop coming here and wasting my time or something like that.








--®ß¥!!

George Carlin is a genius, I just thought I'd tell you. Um. Dogs. NOT DONE. Bye

KMFDM
VOLTAIRE

Okay, so we've got something for our first not hello post. We are insane I hope. We're making Nutmeg oatmeal, how cool is that? 4 CUPS OF OATMEAL! I don't think we'll be able to eat it all to get fucked up on it. This is retarded, I'd rather stick with good old 'Tussin.

This Blog may be a complete work of fiction for use only by its authors.
that said we may now begin



We decided to create this blog tonight because we were bored, and we noticed that our lives are absolutely hilarious. Okay, check back later.


--Muukie